Hanna and the NICU story

I'm sure everyone been wondering on what exactly was happening to Hanna Mikaela (HM) right after her delivery on 21 July 2010, which i thought some of you here are aware that she's been admitted to NICU/ICU ward for further monitor due to her pneumonia problem

I must say that it is a heart wrenching going thru this, seeing your daughter with all those wires attached.

Hanya Tuhan je yang tau how I'd felt. Memang tak sanggup nak tengok. 

Right after i delivered HM, she was not really crying beside the ahekk-ahekk sounds. After they cleaned her, she still not crying. And they spotted that she's sort of having a difficulty to breath. So she was admitted to the ICU ward. While me, after the doctor done with my stitches, of cozla mencari my baby. But sedih sangat that moment when i looked at my hubby's face saying that Hanna still kat ICU and the doctor said it's 50-50 chance for her.

Ya Allah, time tu mmg rasa sebak sgt, muka my hubby pun macam nak nangis when he's saying that. Imagine, korang dah penat2 lahirkan baby pastu excited nak tengok muka anak korang end up she's not well. Memang sampai la ni aku takleh nak lupe perkataan 50-50 from my hubby, it was too heart breaking hearing that.

I only got a chance to see HM on the day 2, after all the effect dari ubat dah gone and i can think and walked straight. Again, seeing her in that cubical with all the wires, mmg sangat sedih. BUT it was an over whelming moment when the nurse update us that she's stabil and fought for it.. Only HM sorang using the big machine, and according to the nurse, that would help her to breath. Aku tengok baby lain kat situ smua taklah teruk sangat despite so many premature babies but i just keep on think yg positif and pray HM will be fine

Cried?Yes definitely i cried. I was fragile at one time but the support from Hubby and family made me to be a stronger mommy. I have to be strong for Hanna eventho she's not with me for 10 consecutive nights.

After 10 days berkampung kat situ, HM finally free to go home. That is the best moment and feeling i've had. I miss to hear she's crying over for milk, miss to hold her and definitely everyone kat umah tu can't wait to meet her.  And yang paling best, we discharged during her ayah 29th birthday on the 30 July. That was the best gift he'd ever had :)

Regards of HM illness, actually my O&G doc pun tak tau what's wrong with her. But they suspected that a bit of my hormones/blood has gone into her which they found out at the 1st stage that HM's nose was bleed. Then the Paed specialist claimed that it was severe congenital pneumonia (according to her report too) which resulted her having a difficulties to breath due to her lung been filled with bacteria, and it was from my vagina. How it happened? Jangan tanya aku coz we don't find anything wrong during my pregnancy check up, even up to the last check up. of coz my O&G doctor pun terkejut, that was his least expectation pun

But, i'm sure behind all this, memang ada hikmahnya. No need to elaborate more and further here but it was an eye opening for me and hubby. We appreciate HM more as she was the priceless gift from Allah. Must say million thanks to all that have been pray for HM's and all the kind wishes and thoughts. 

Hanna is a strong girl. She is such a good girl and clever girl. 

we do love her so much.

That's what i told Hanna deary everyday 

Hanna was 2 days old at NICU

Hanna 1 month old :)

PS :  the pic attached has not been released for public view before, anywhere

Sale yang lepas

Sedang browsing thru my picture folder, found this pic. Lalu terfikir, i should have blogged about this otherwise it shouldn't be in the blog pics folder in my laptop kan but then was thinking what should i write?

After re-fresh kepala otak baru teringat what should be posted about this. maafla since beranak banyak urat yang terputus..hehe

I bought all these when i was 2 weeks away from deliver kot. Tak tahan dengan segala Sale yang ada kat KL, especially MNG sale I dunno why i am so addicted to MNG brand to KLCC to check it out. End up i bought that blue sleeveless plus blue cargo pants. I'm in denial that i'm still pregnant and still tried other pants yang ada kat MNG but as expected, i couldn't fit at all beside this blue pants..sigh

My favourite cookies during pregnancy was the choc cookies from Marks & spencer and off to Kino later bought new books, to kill my boredom at home while waiting for Petit to pop. And wedges tu dibeli after realize that it's been 9 months i don't have any new shoes beside those comforting flats. Dengan alasan, wedges dipakai untuk hari raya nanti . So advanced kan..haha
But i bought new wedges again at OU due to sembonia is having clearance sale, so another new shoes again. this time, with no valid reason..

Now dah ada baby girl, shopping for her pulak...Habisla

post-partum bonding

Holla readers, i'm back :)

Finally got  a chance to update my blog. Been drafting quite a few in my head but it's just a matter of time. Since dah ada baby ni, time more spent for her obviously. It's all about Hanna now

I'm officially a month year old mother. My pantang went well. Thank God my mom is not my worse nightmare. I mean she's OK, not that strict kinda mother on berpantang ni. I gotta eat my Secret Recipe cheesecake and McD plus KFC while i'm still berpantang, tapi itu pun at 20 days ke atas la. Just that on drink still minum air without ice la..Anyway, still breastfeed (BF) Hanna, so have to watch out on what are your meals everyday, as it effects your baby 

Being a mother is definitely not an easy job on earth, very challenging but it's fun. Be with your cute lil bundle of joy, staring at her while she's in deeply sleep, coaxing her while she's crying her lungs out loud for milk and changing her diapers when she's poo poo.. undivided  attention. Tahap kesabaran juga perlu ada ditahap yang maksimum sebolehnya, coz emosi ibu yang berpantang jugak very fragile (ala2 dikala pregnant la ni)

So husband silelah beri perhatian juga pada si mummy selain si baby.

I'm a good baby girl eh

And Hanna is a month old now too. Dah pandai melihat her surroundings, dah pandai cakap (in her own language and sounds), dah pandai merajuk when lambat dapat susu and sangatla suka bercakap (ni mmg kes ikut mummy-nye). Sleepless nights? tell me about it, beginning memang susah but after a while, once Hanna dah dapat her sleep pattern, so malam dapatla tido more than 2hours. itu pun dah kire heaven OK.The longest she slept for about 4 hours and every day at about 5am Hanna mesti dah bangun, macam orang nak pegi keje pulak

 i felt it's a worth experienced and moment. Now i know how it feel being a mother. Thanks to my mom whose there helping me taking care of Hanna to. Without her aku boleh jadi sedikit gila agaknya..Ha Ha

Her "superman" pose of sleeping

My labor moment of truth

WARNING : entry ini merupakan kisah benar and akan di share with all  readers by hoping the info could help you in the future. For new mommy-to-be. Bukan untuk menakut-nakutkan. It's a true facts story :)

Since smua dah tau i've on 2cm dilation for almost a month, akhirnya saat yang dinantikan telah tiba

on my last check up with my gynae on the 20 July, finally i've made some progress by 1cm so total bukaan is 3cm. Doctor expected me to be delivered by tomorrow.

Balik umah, relax cam biasa lagi..makan selagi boleh. Tapi dah noticed that ada sikit mild contractions. But since it was just a mild, so buat dunno je lah

Start 8pm, aku dah dapat rasa sakit yang lebih sket dari normal, it was 1 hour apart. Continued till midnite, which by that time, aku dah takleh nak tido. Contractions now semakin terasa as in half an hour apart. But still managed to watch a movie with my sis-in-law sambil meraba-raba perut .

Trying to get some sleep by hoping if i am really delivering the baby esok (21 July) hopefully i have enuff rest and energy. But cubaan untuk melelapkan mata gagal. Started at 330am, my contractions were 15mins apart. At this time, aku dah takleh tido. Dok mundar-mandir kat bilik tu menahan sakit. Dalam pale otak, still berpikir, should i go to the hosp now or later at dawn? So kejutkan hubby and told him to get ready, maybe we're off in 1hour time, which lepas subuhla

Tapi, sakit yang unbearable semakin terasa, ni takleh jadi. Aku pun mandi and get ready. Pester hubby to get ready skang gak, aku dah takleh tahan. Perut rasa nak tercabut. So we're off to Hosp selayang at about 5am+

Sampai hospital, muka dah berkerut2 tahan sakit. Jalan nak kene papah. Called Dr. Irish and he'll be here anytime. Meantime, I'm already in my baju bersalin provided by the hospital. Contractions were really strong. Takleh baring, prefer berdiri je. But nak amik baby heartbeat and CTG so have to baringla. Nurse said, yeah it's time based on my CTG yang cantik katanya...

Then puas menahan sakit sampai ke 7am, ada lady doc finally pecahkan the water beg. Nasibla tak tunggu Dr Irish, if tak sampai kul 9am menahan sakit. For me, the pain of waterbeg been broke tak sakit, tak terasa sgt. But the contractions pain was really getting intense after that. Puas aku bergolek2 kat atas katil tiap kali tahan contractions yang menyerang. Sakit sangat okay!! Inilah sakit yang paling2 sangat pernah aku rasa dalam hidup.

Okay, climax of the story. Ke dewan bersalin.

Aku tatau where is my hubby gone but for sure i need him right now. Sakit contractions ni really made me weak. Terasa seperti pinggang nak patah and perut nak tercabut. It is definitely 8kali ganda sakit from the period pain yang korang rasakan every month. Eventho aku nye period pain tak sakit tp yang ni memang teramat sakit. Bukan nak takutkan korang but it's my real experienced. Bila hubby dah kat tepi baru rasa kuat sangat. Kuat untuk go thru the real pain.

Yang bestnye keluar plak ayat ni dari mulutku while menahan sakit

" I taknak beranak lagi, not masa terdekat ni" . Hubby senyum sokmo je. Boleh?

Takleh tahan sakit, mintak epidural. Ye, aku bukan super woman yang boleh tahan sakit macam nak mati ni. Tapi yang bestnye the effect of this epidural berlaku while aku disaat2 nak meneran. Haiyo, mamai la jadinye. Tapi yang pasti, hubby siap cakap, 

Tapi rasa cam lama je babyku nak kuar while the epidural dah mula effect. Nurse kat situ were very helpful. They bacakan doa for me and helped my baby to kuar. But somehow, i did not made any good progress so doc decided to used forceps to get the baby out, takut lemas or stress.

And within 7mins, dalam keadaan mamai, i saw my baby in front of me and sekaligus nurse tanye

"emmilda, ni baby apa? Baby girl," jawabku..pastu aku penat. Sampaikan time doctor jahit kat bawah tu aku leh tido and takla rasa sakit sangat. So don't ask me how many stitches aku dapat yer

Now, aku dapat rasa camne sakit ibu yang melahirkan kita before this. And pengalaman bersalin ni, ikut luck masing2. Memang dari mula pregnant, aku berdoa yang aku tak nak stay at labor room lama macam separuh orang sehari baru beranak. Alhamdulillah Allah kabulkan doa ku.

At 1030am, Hanna Mikaela has arrived into this world. Syukur sangat. Terima Kasih Ya Allah kerana permudahkan urusanku dan selamatkan kami berdua.Amin :)